Communication at work (week 7&8) - Part B - Interpersonal Skills

Interpersonal Skills p. 136


Objectives

• Describe the communication climate in a working environment, identify the messages that have helped create it, and suggest ways of communicating that can improve that climate.
• Use the guidelines in this chapter to give constructive feedback.
• Use the guidelines in this chapter to respond to criticism in a nondefensive manner.
• Identify various approaches to conflict and steps to conflict management.
• Describe four styles of negotiating solutions in work-related conflicts and predict likely consequences of using each style.
• Demonstrate how to seek a win-win solution in a work-related negotiation.

Building Positive Relationships 

• Communication Climate
• Use 'I' language: In contrast to "You" language, the I language or descriptive statements focus on the speaker instead of judging the other person. So less acusatory.
• Focus on solving problems, not controlling others: Use problem-oriented messages.
• Show concern for others: a genuine message of interest can make tremendous difference. A simple apology can do wonders.
• Demonstrate an attitude of equality:  respect is essential. Respect often comes from how we construct messages. Pay close attention not only to what you say but also to your nonverbal behaviour, including your vocal tone and facial expression, when expression yourself.
• Keep an open mind: listening with an open mind makes good sense and promote good relationship. 

• Giving Praise
• Make praise specific. Describe exactly what you appreciate makes it easier for the other person to continue that behaviour. Being specific does not mean that you have to avoid giving broad comments. Along with giving general praise, consider the value of adding enough particulars to help the other person understand exactly what you appreciate.
• Praise progress, not just perfection.
• Praise intermittently: Social scientist have discovered that occasional compliments have more effect. Praise others from time to time, when your remarks will have the best effect, but dont go overboard.
• Relay Praise: You can be the 'praise messenger' by letting people know that you've heard others saying complimentary things about them. They will feel better both about the person who praised them and about you for delivering the good news.
• Praise sincerely: Be sincere and respect local customs (praise group vs. individual in certain cultures).

Dealing with Criticism

• Offering Constructive Feedback
• Consider the content: 
• Limit the criticism to one topic
• Make sure the criticism is accurate
• Define the problem clearly
• Show how your criticism can benefit the recipient
• Consider the sender:
• Choose the most credible critic
• Make sure the criticism is appropriate to the critic's role
• Consider the relational climate
• Deliver remarks as part of a positive relationship
• Accept partial responsibility for the problem
• Accompany your criticism with an offer to help
• Consider the delivery
• Deliver criticism in a face-saving manner
• Avoide sounding and looking judgmental

• Responding to Criticism
• Seek more information
• Ask for examples or clarification
• Guess about details of the criticism
• Paraphrase the critic
• Ask what the critic wants
• Agree with the criticism
• Agree with the facts
• Agree with the critics right to his or her own perception
• Emphasize areas of common ground
• Work for a cooperative solution
• Ask for the chance to state your point of view
• Focus on a solution, not on finding fault

Managing Conflict

• What are Conflicts About?
• The Topic at hand
• Pay and other compensation
• Resources
• Scheduling
• Job assignments
• Quality of products and services
• Budgeting
• The Process: some disputes are more about 'how' to do something tant what to do. Some common issues are
• Labor and management - work contract disputes
• Distribution of task in a project team
• Choice of event for fundraising
• Relational Issues: how parties want to be treated by one another
• Among family members
• Employer vs. Employees
• Management and hierarchy
• Ego/Identity Issues
• Competence
• Commitment
• Fairness
• Honesty
• Reasonableness
• Professionalism

• Approaches to Conflict
• Avoiding: one way to deal with confliect is to avoir it whenever possible and withdraw when confronted. 
• Refusing to take phone call
• Staying barricaded in the office
• Psychological : denying that a problem exists or that it is serious, repressing emotional reactions
• Avoiding may have drawback  and may have unaceptable costs (loss of self-respect, frustration, problem 
• Consider Avoiding
• When an issue is genuinely trivial, or when more important issues are pressing.
• When you have no chance of winning.
• When the potential for disruption outweights the benefits of resolution.
• To let others cool down and regain perpective.
• When the long term costs of winning may outweigh short-term gains.
• When others can resolve the conflict more effectively.
• Consider Accommodating
• When you find you are wrong
• When the issue is important to the other party and not important to you
• To build social credit for later issues
• To minimize loss when you are outmatched and losing
• When harmony and stability are more imporant than the subject at hand
• To allow others to learn by making their own mistakes. 
• Consider Competing
• When quick, decisive action is vital (e.g. emergencies)
• On important issues where unpopular actions need implementing (e.g. Cost cutting, enforcing unpopular rules)
• When others will take advantage of your noncompetitive behaviour.
• Consider Collaborating
• To find solutions when both parties' concerns are too important to be compromised 
• When a long-term relationship between the parties is important
• To gain commitment of all parties by building consensus
• When the other party is willing to take a collaborative approach.
• Consider Compromising
• When goals are important but not worth the effort or potential disruption of more assertive modes
• When opponents with equal power are committed to mutually exclusive goals
• To achieve temporay settlements of complex issues
• To arrive at expedient solutions under time pressure
• As a backup when collaboration is unsuccessful

• Handling Conflicts Constructively 
• Negotiation strategies and outcomes: a common negotiating strategy is the competive win-lose approach. No one seeks lose-lose outcomes, but they can arise when competitors try to gain an advantage at one another's expense. Sometimes it seems better to compromise than to fight battles in a competitve manner and risk a lose-lose outcome. When negotiators collaborate, they can often - though not always - achieve a win-win outcome, in which everybody involved is satisfied. Examples of win-win solutions:
• Shorter working hours for teachers
• Increasing employee compensation
• Blending business goals and community beauty
• Preparing to negotiate
• Clarify your interests and needs
• Consider the best time to raise the issue
• Prepare your statement
• Conducting the negotiation
• Identify the ends both parties are seeking
• Brainstorm a list of possible solutions
• Evaluate the alternative solutions
• Implement and follwo up on the solution
• A Case Study of win-win problem solving
• Identify the needs of both parties
• Brainstorm a list of possible solutions
• Evaluate the alternative solutions
• Implement the solution
• Follow-up on the solution

Summary

People skills are an essential ingredient for success in any career. These skills create a positive communication climate in which people feel valued. The key to building a positive climate is confirming communication, which conveys respect for the other person, even during a conflict. Confirming messages are phrased in descriptive 'I' language. They focus on solving problems, not imposing solutions. They are honest, show concern for the other party, demonstrate an attitude of equality, and reflect the communicators's open-mindedness.

One way to create and maintain a positive communication climate is to offer praise. There are several guidelines for praising effectively: Make praise specific and sincere, praise progress, praise intermittently, and relay praise to others.

In the real world of business, however, praise is not always appropriate; sometimes criticism must be given. The climate of a relationship can be enhanced by offering criticism in the most constructive manner. The chances of acceptance of criticism are best when a critical message is framed in a way that considers the content by limiting remarkes to one topic, making sure they are accurate, defining the problem clearly, and showing how attending to the criticism can benefit the recipient. Choosing the most credible critic and making sure the remarks are appropriate to the context is another way to maximise the chances that criticism will be well received: delivering remarks as part of a positive relationship, accepting partial responsibility for the problem, and accompanying criticism with an offer to help. Finally delivering the criticism in a face-saving manner and a nonjudgmental tone can lead to a nondefensive response.

When on the receiving end of another person's cirticism, several responses can prevent defensiveness. One approach is to seek more information by asking for examples or clarification, guessing about details when necessary, paraphrasing the critic, and asking what the critic wants. Agreeing with the facts of the criticism or with the critic's perception are also potentially effective.

On-the-job conflicts are inevitable so it is important to handle them constructively. Understanding that conflicts are not all the same requires communicatiors to first explore whether the conflict is about a topic, a process, the relationship, or one's ego. Second, recognise that one can choose from five ways to handle conflict: avoiding, accomodating, competing, collaborating, or compromising. Each has both advantages and drawbacks, so situational factors will usually govern which one to use at a given time.

Next, consider how you will negotiate a mutually acceptable agreement. Negotiations can take four forms: competitive, lose-lose, compromise and win-win. The approach that parties take often determines the outcome. 

Successful negotiating includes these steps: Clarify your interests and needs by distinguishing between ends and means, pay attention to timing, and prepare nondefensive ways to begin. Then follow steps of a win-win approach by identifying each parties' ends, brainstorming, evaluating possible solutions, implementing and following up on a solution.


Further readings on Conflict and Conflict Management


'The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defence' - 
http://adrr.com provides a method of using words to deal with conflict situations.
'Work 911'
http://work911.com provides over 1000 articles organised into categories of communication, anger management, work-related issues, and stress.
'Workplace Solutions'
http://wps.org is a chock-full resources and links to articles that deal with conflict resolution and reducing violence in the workplace.
The International Association for Conflict Management
http://iacm-conflict.org brings scholars and practitioners together to study and develop conflict management skills in many settings. Find links to articles, research, and more organisations.

Happy Readings.